I went to tuck my kindergartner into bed the other night and she was happily curled up, writing on a piece of paper.

I sat on her bed and asked her what she was working on.

Letters, she said innocently enough.

Letters to who? Can I see them?

Reluctantly, she passed the letters over.

In her Kindergarten phonetic spelling, her finished letter read:

Dear Micaela, We don’t want to play with you. Please don’t be mean anymore.

And she didn’t sign her name to it.

My jaw dropped and my heart leaped.

Trying to stay calm, we had a conversation about Micaela.

It turns out, Micaela has never been mean to my daughter. But my daughter’s other friends convinced her she should be mean to Micaela because Micaela was “mean” to them.

My daughter was doing the bidding of her friends.

My daughter was writing a mean letter to another kindergartner.

Behind her sweet smile and twirly skirts and pigtails, my daughter was the mean girl.

And it broke my heart.

Kindness Matters and We Have to Intentionally Teach It

In our family, we only have two rules. One is to listen the first time and the other is to be kind.

We talk about kindness all the time. We model it at home. We have signs hanging up in our house as reminders to Choose Kind.

We praise kindness and we place value on it.

Because in our home, the stakes feel higher.

My eldest daughter was bullied heavily in her last school. So while I teach my kids they don’t need to be friends with everyone, we do tell them they need to be kind to everyone.

Even if someone is being mean to them, my kids know we expect them to take the high road.

They can walk away from mean kids without throwing back insults. They don’t join in on teasing or belittling or trash talking. And they don’t need to hit back, literally or figuratively, when they feel attacked.

They can still be kind when surrounded by meanness.

When we moved schools, it saved my eldest daughter. She now has a group of kind friends who have lifted her up. Her new friends made school a wonderful place to be again.

But the move and new school seem to have propelled my youngest daughter into a new crew of girls who missed the memo on kindness.

When this particular group of girls invited my daughter in I was thrilled.

Transitioning to a new school mid-year is never easy. Being the new kid is never easy.

My six-year-old left behind sweet and loving friends and came here and knew almost no one.

So, of course, I was beyond grateful when she made instant friends in the Kindergarten yard.

But I should’ve paid more attention.

I should have realized even though these girls welcomed my daughter in, they aren’t so welcoming to other girls.

They’re in a little group, club, and pact that invites in some while excluding others. And that’s no group I want my kids to be associated with.

I needed to pull the plug immediately.

Mean Girls start as early as Kindergarten

We often associate mean girls and teasing and bullying as an older kid issue. We assume there’s no way it could happen with five and six-year-olds.

Oh, but it can.

Often, these girls who partake in mean girl behavior at a young age have older siblings who treat them this way. Or at the very least it’s being modeled by their older siblings.

And young kids who have older siblings tend to watch older tween-centered TV shows where sass, sarcasm and balk talk are all part of the “humor.”

So many of our young girls are exposed to social exclusion as early as Kindergarten.

Little girls can be cruel. And if you listen carefully, you’ll hear it before you see it:

• “I’m not going to be your friend today,”
• “Don’t play with her or I won’t be your friend,”
• “You’re not wearing pink so you can’t play with us today,”
• “You can’t play on the monkey bars because your name doesn’t start with an M or an A.”

Our girls are navigating the social rules of society and they are trying to figure it out in the sandbox and on the jungle gym.

But our kids are often supervised by too few adults who are trained to look for more obvious signs of aggressive behavior: hitting, pushing, and grabbing.

So socially aggressive behaviors such as exclusion, conditional friendship, and teasing are easily overlooked by adults.

Yard duty staff are not trained to look for it.

So as parents, we have to.

We have to pay better attention.

We have to know our kids’ friends. And we have to know their parents.

We have to carpool and listen to the kids’ banter. We have to invite kids over to our house and watch them interact.

We need to really know these kids because they are directly influencing our child and their behaviors. They are “teaching” our kids what is and is not acceptable, fair, kind, and “allowed.”

And what our kids’ peers deem as appropriate behavior may or may not jive with our family’s values.

So my daughter is in for a few changes because we have to nip this mean girl behavior in the bud before it morphs and grows and becomes her normal.

We have to help her when the stakes are low and we can back up this behavior and pour even more of our family’s values into her social awareness.

And when we see letters like this one, we have to put a stop to the social exclusion of other children.

What to do if your daughter is the mean girl or if you want to prevent unkind behaviors:

 To prevent kids from becoming a mean girl:

1. Talk to your kids using open-ended questions to get real answers. And know it will take more than one conversation. Try talking when you’re tucking them into bed or when you’re driving in the car. Who did you play with? What do you play together? Who else plays with you? Who is a good friend? What makes them a good friend? Tell me more about Jenny…what makes you like being with her?

2. Teach your kids to be includers. I tell my kids their job at recess is to invite one new kid to join in and play with them. Including others is one of the kindest things kids can do for their classmates. For my daughter, she now has to go and purposefully invite Micaela to play with her on the monkey bars.

Related: Is Your Kid an Includer? Here’s Why They Should Be. 

3. Discuss peer pressure with your kids. Kids need to know their friends may tell them what to do but they need to stop and think, is this a good choice? Is this a kind choice? Is this the right choice for me and my body? I remind my kids they don’t have to do what their friends tell them to do if it’s not safe or kind. They can stop and make a choice for themselves.

4. Label kind and unkind actions and words. When we see or hear our kids being kind, we tell them. When we see or hear our kids being unkind, we tell them. We focus on the actions rather than the person by saying “Ripping her paper was an unkind choice,” or “Offering your sister a bite was a kind thing to do.” This is more has a more positive impact than “You are mean.”

5. Use the powerful phrase, “You’re the kind of kid who…”  and fill in the blank:“Treats others with kindness, invites others to play, is kind even when other people are mean.”

6. Read books about kindness and what it means to be a good friend.

Try these:

Strictly No Elephants 

Pink Tiara Cookies for Three

How to Be a Friend

The Golden Rule

Be Kind

One Caring Kid

If you want more book ideas for raising kind kids, check out this list.

What to do when we suspect or know our daughter is the “mean girl”:

1. Keep doing 1-6 from up above and…

2. Talk to your child’s teacher and let them know what’s going on. They may already know, but chances are, they don’t see it. What happens at recess rarely gets back to the teachers unless the yard duty staff sees a pattern of negative behaviors.

3. Ask your child’s teacher to suggest kind friends who would be a positive influence on your child. Invite those kids over for playdates. Soon.

4. Avoid social interactions with girls you realize are not positive influences for your child. We don’t ban our kids from playing with unkind friends but there’s no reason to invite them over or say “yes” to playdates at their house.

5. Remind your kids to be kind always. Even to kids who are mean. Talk about it often. Ask them what kind looks like. If a friend is crying, what could you do? If a kid is playing by themselves, what could you do? If your friend is being mean to someone else, what can you do or say?

6. Help kids apologize or make amends if necessary. Discuss meaningful apologies versus an empty “sorry” and why it matters.

As I tucked my daughter into bed that night I told her she was a kind girl. I told her she was the kind of kid who made sure her friends all felt included and were invited to play.

But then I told her she must have forgotten she was a kind girl.

I told her the choices she made were not kind and it’s not okay in our family.

I told her I would be helping her make kinder choices since she showed me she wasn’t ready to do it on her own.

I hugged her, kissed her, and said my goodnights.

And then I went and cried, pulled myself together, and wrote an email to her teacher. And to Micaela’s mom.

Because we’re inviting Micaela over for a playdate tomorrow.

The post What to Do If You Think Your Daughter is the Mean Girl appeared first on Coffee and Carpool: Intentionally Raising Kind Kids.

My teenage daughter just “bro’d” me again. Then she told me dinner was lowkey sus and basic, and I was delulu for thinking she would be down to eat it but thanks anyways. Luckily, I pulled out my decoder ring (am I dating myself?) and figured out that she thought dinner was gross and she was going to go make herself something to eat.

We can roll our eyes at the slang, because goodness knows some of it is out of control ridiculous (skibidi toilet and Ohio?), but as a Gen X’er, we relied on slang too.

Every generation does. 

So I can roll my eyes every time she “dudes” me or tells me my outfit “ate and left no crumbs,” or  I can lean in and go with it.

When we accept our kids and their vocabularies and wardrobes and music and clothing trends, we silently tell them we see them and we like them for who they are, even if we think the acne stickers on their face are ridiculous and socks with Crocs are not fashionable in any generation.

And if I’m ever going to get my kids to listen to me and my message of being kind, treating others the way you want to be treated, stand up for others, if you see something, say something, and be a helpful, thoughtful, friendly person, I have to change how I talk to them so they really hear me.

We will and should keep having deep, meaningful conversations about social emotional learning concepts and kindness in general, but we can also have a little fun with it. 

Related: 8 Reasons Teachers Should Focus on Social Emotional Learning in Their Classrooms

We can merge our world of teaching a message we need them to hear (BE KIND!) with their world of slang with these classroom decor posters focusing on kindness; they’re perfect for middle schools and high schools, or wherever you find a horde of Gen Alphas or Gen Z’ers. 

Are Posters Enough To Teach Kindness?

Posters hanging on a wall will never be enough to teach anything. Just like Kindness Week won’t do much to teach kids how to be kind. (Here’s what to do instead of Kindness Week!)

Just like we can’t put up an alphabet poster and expect kids to learn the alphabet by looking at it, we can’t put up kindness and anti-bullying posters and expect kids to learn from them without any other support.

But if we teach the alphabet, day after day, in meaningful ways that reach the students where they’re at,  then the poster is there to support, to remind, to help.

Likewise, if we’re intentionally focused on social emotional learning concepts, if we talk about anti-bullying and anti-racist actions, if we expect and praise kind behaviors, if we have real consequences for bullying behaviors and harassment, then the posters are there to serve as reminders to treat others the way they want to be treated, even when an adult isn’t standing right there to monitor their behavior.

Related: What Teachers Have to Do to Prevent Bullying in the Classroom

Please hang the posters up. But please do not hang the posters up and think you just checked off a “I taught kindness” box so you’re done.

As classroom educators, first of all, we know we’re never done because one kid will always need to hear it over and over again for it to sink in.

But also, all kids need to hear this message consistently and be given ample opportunities to practice being kind before kindness becomes a habit.  

Need more kindness resources for teens?

Chapter Books that Focus on Social Emotional Learning Concepts

180 Daily Kindness Questions for Journaling, Class Meetings, or Bell Ringers

Teach Compassion with these Walk in Someone Else’s Shoes Situation Cards

Kindness Crossword

Kindness Dictionary to Teach the Real Meaning of SEL Concepts

Gen Z and Gen Alpha Slang on the Kindness Posters for your Middle School Classroom Decor:

Here are a few of the phrases that are so ingrained in the vocabulary of the teens in my life I had to include them in the middle school and high school classroom decor posters.

If you need a translator for the Gen Z and Gen Alpha slang:

1. Purchase the ePosters here *no physical posters will be sent to you. These are pdfs.

2. Print out the posters you wish to use on 11 x 17 paper. No need to hang all of them- that would be lowkey sus...choose the ones you like best or the ones you think will resonate most with your kids.

3. Laminate them for durability, then hang them in your class, in hallways, and in common spaces like the cafeteria, gym, PE locker rooms, and library.

These are also great for summer camps and homes because the cutesy posters with sunsets and rainbows with reminders to be kind are often overlooked and don’t connect with teens and tweens like these that we have for elementary schools:

3. Remind students (and your admins if needed) that even though it’s lowkey mid and highkey cringe ur using their slang and ur punctuation and spelling on these posters are totally sus, the message is a vibe and on point, bruh so they should get on board, no cap.

*I was told these are cringe by my 13 year old, but she was also laughing hysterically as she read them, asked me if I could send them to her Vice Principal (and then corrected a few of them for me.)

Ready to get new Middle School Classroom Decor that focuses on Kindness??

Get the Teen Friendly Eposters here on Teachers Pay Teachers to download the pdfs instantly! 

The post Middle School Classroom Decor Gen Alpha Slang Kindness Posters appeared first on Coffee and Carpool: Intentionally Raising Kind Kids.

My ten year old started at her new school last week.

It’s her third school in three years. Which is insane, but unavoidable.

My daughter has navigated the world of being the new girl with no friends so many times, she’s quite adept at making friends now.

She understands the power of, “Can I join you?” and “Do you want to play with me?” and “Can I play with you?”

Related: Is Your Kid an Includer? Here’s Why They Should Be.

She knows how to walk up to someone and befriend them. She seeks out like-minded girls and has learned to adapt and play with what the girls enjoy to fit in quickly. We now have a ridiculously large Shopkins collection and Descendants dolls to prove it.

But in all those schools, and all the times she’s made friends, she has never been part of a girl group at school. She’s never known what it feels like to be part of a tribe of friends who want you with them, who make plans with you, and who miss you when you’re not there.

And at first, I didn’t think it would be a problem.

She had a good friend or two at every school she was at. She knew friendship. She had someone to invite over after school and friends to invite to her birthday parties and neighbors who loved lemonade stands as much as she did.

But not having a strong group of friends was one of the main reasons she ended up being bullied so badly the last two years of elementary school.

And while I can protect my daughter emotionally when she’s bullied, my main goal is to bully-proof her.

To set her up so she’s less attractive to bullies.

Why Kids Need Friends to Bully-Proof Themselves

As my daughter walked into her third new school and was surrounded by a group of girls who were saying “hi” and hugging her, she beamed. They literally pulled her into their group.

And this may not be the end-all-be-all answer to bully prevention.

But being welcomed into a group with open arms is a good start to anyone’s first day. And there was no bullying behavior in sight, for the first time in two years.

The list of reasons why kids need friends is quite long. Friendships are an essential part of growing up, navigating the world around us, and finding our place in society.

But for our bullied kids, friendships can mean the difference between feeling safe and facing torment alone.

RELATED: Having friends is only one of the several ways parents can bully-proof their kids. 

Having a strong group of friends, both in and out of school, is one of the best ways to bully-proof our children:

1. Bullies tend to target kids who are alone.

Bullies go for the easy target and kids who are alone usually fit the bill. Kids who are either physically alone, socially alone, or emotionally alone tend to get the bullies’ attention.

So, children who are standing or playing in a group are less likely to be picked on.

2. Children who have a group supporting them will be more likely to stand up to bullies if one approaches.

Standing up to a bully can be scary. Especially if you’re trying to do it alone.

When kids are with a group of friends, they will have someone on their side, backing them up, speaking up for them.

And if the bully continues, a friend is more likely to get help from an adult quickly and reassure friends who are being bullied.

3. Children who feel secure in their friendships will feel more secure in themselves and know the bully’s words aren’t truth.

Kids who feel confident in their social standing among their peers will less likely be crushed or emotionally impacted by bullies’ hurtful words.

Bullied kids will know their friends don’t feel the same way about them, so there’s no way the bully’s words are the absolute truth.

Kids who only hear negative comments with no friendly words to balance out the nasty words, have a higher chance of internalizing the bullies’ words and actions.

4. Friends increase our kids’ self-esteem, self-worth, and self-confidence, even when they’re not with their friends.

When a child feels confident, they are more likely to stand up to bullies, even when they’re not with their support group.

The lasting effect of friendship puts a protective bubble or buffer around our kids, keeping them emotionally protected if they’re bullied.

Help kids make and keep positive friendships that will help bully-proof them:

Gone are the days when I could pick my kids’ friends based on whether I like their mom or not. We’re in the stage of life where my daughter needs to learn how to choose her own friends.

But there are things I can do that will support her and encourage her to make positive decisions about her peers and her friendships.

Since you are the sum of the people you spend the most time with, who our kids spend time with is important. We need to be paying attention to who our kids choose to spend their time with.

Not sure how to make friends? This Role Playing printable will help kids practice different ways to make new friends. 

Here’s how I make sure my daughter has the right kind of friends to help bully-proof her:

1. Kids need friends so encourage peer groups in different settings

Having friends inside of school is important. But having friends outside of school is just as crucial, especially for kids who are already being bullied.

Because our kids need to know if the kids at school are mean, not all kids are mean. Not all kids treat others poorly. Not all kids are mean or spiteful or hurtful.

Related: How to Encourage Kids to Stay Kind When Kids Are Mean to Them

And our kids need to find positive engagement with kids elsewhere. They need to know they’re worthy of friendship and other people will value them for who they truly are.

Search for positive peer groups at religious school, sports teams or clubs, scouting groups, and in your neighborhood.

2. Get to know their friends well

It’s important to really know our kids’ friends, especially as they get older and we are less involved in their day to day life.

We can volunteer in their school to get to know their friends. Or we can offer to drive the kids where they want to go so you can listen in to their banter.

Get to know the other kids’ moms and invite them over for a wine or coffee date.

And listen attentively to the stories our kiddo tells us so we know who the kids are in the stories. Pay attention now when the stories aren’t vital, so they trust us to tell the stories later that do matter.

We have to remember Stacy isn’t always nice to Michelle and Sasha has a tiny crush on Mason and Talia hates the color pink.

3. Have the house kids want to be at

Create a space the neighborhood kids and your child’s friends want to come to.

Because when they come and hang out at your house, you get to know the kids who spend time with your kids.

You get to be privy to their conversations and watch how they interact and navigate social issues.

You will witness it all and can help navigate your child through it afterward.

You also get to intervene if you see or hear something that doesn’t line up with your family’s values.

To keep them coming to your house, have the best snack foods readily available and feed them often.

Figure out what craft or project or toy they’re all into and have it available. Stepping on fusion beads with my bare feet is the bane of my existence, but it’s worth it since it brings all the neighborhood boys to my kitchen table to make “power discs.”

Get the games and sports equipment that encourages group play. We always have extra helmets at our house and we keep the old scooters around for playdates. We have the messy games (like Pie in the Face) and we have a tetherball set and a climbing structure in our yard, and we keep baking supplies fully stocked for my tween and her friends who love to bake.

4. Say “yes” to playdates and hangouts and meet-ups

I always try to say yes to the playdates or the meetups. I can not stand going to the park or making small talk with other moms I barely know. But I do it because it helps my kids find friends, and it enables their relationships to flourish.

I invite kids over to my house more than I want to and I deal with the messes and chaos because when my kids connect outside of school with their classmates, they’re more likely to connect on the playground at recess…which makes it more likely they’ll stand up for each other when needed.

The way to get invited over for playdates is to host playdates. My kids are always dying to go over to a friend’s house. So we invite kids over to our house first, and most of the time it’s reciprocated.

5. Kids NEED Friends but teach them that not all friends need to be best friends

There are different kinds of friends in this world…not all friends will be best friends. Not all friends deserve to know your personal information you want to keep private.

Not all friends are friends you want to invite to your house.

Some friends are just classmates you know that sometimes you play with.

Some friends are closer friends you play with often, but you don’t really tell them your private information to.

Some friends are really good friends you can count on.

And some friends are best friends.

Kids also need to know that some kids are friends at all…they’re just acquaintances.

Forcing friendships can set kids up to be bullied or to be put in tricky or dangerous social situations.

Kids have to know the difference between a good, true friend and a not so great friend. Use this Good True Friendship Checklist to help them. 

And they have to know there are different kinds of friends. Use this bullseye to visually explain it to them. 

6. Kids Need Friends, but encourage your kids to not put all their “eggs in one basket”

I’m a grown woman and I’m still trying to learn this lesson.

We know kids need friends.

And having one friend is great. Sometimes, all it takes is one friend to make all the difference.

But when that friend is sick, or wants to play with someone else, it can be hard for our kids to be left alone. So, encouraging them to have different friends and several friend groups is essential.

My daughter spent many a recess playing by herself because her one friend wanted to play hopscotch while my daughter wanted to swing.

In a group, someone is bound to want to play what you want to play.

Someone is going to be available for a sleepover when the others are busy.

Someone will say yes to having a lemonade stand.

But one group isn’t enough. I have lost many friends in my lifetime by having one group of friends at a time. As soon as one person in the group gets mad or decides you’re not part of the group anymore, it can be devastating if that’s your only source of friendship.

So I encourage my kids to find a peer group, nourish it, and be an awesome member of the group.

But I then suggest they keep looking for new friends too.

Because it’s a good idea to stretch ourselves and hang with different kinds of people.

It’s important to not be reliant on one group of friends for all of our social interactions.

And it’s essential to have more than one group you can go to if you need something, like back up from a bully.

Or a business partner for your lemonade stand.

Need more bullying prevention resources? Click here. 

Want more detailed information on how to Bully-Proof Your Kids? You’ll love this ebook:

The post Kids Need Friends to Help Bully-Proof Our Kids appeared first on Coffee and Carpool: Intentionally Raising Kind Kids.

My child is one of the many, many kids being bullied. She comes home with stories about being teased, mistreated, and verbally abused. And it breaks my heart every time.

No parent wants to hear that their child is hurt. But when your child is on purpose, ganged up on, with malicious intent, you want to scream. You want to break something. And then you want to curl up in a ball to make the pain and hurt—their pain and hurt– disappear.

But as a parent, I’ve got to pull myself together. I’ve got to hold in my emotions so they don’t seep into her emotions.

Oh, I get angry. And I definitely get sad. I just save that for after she’s gone to bed.  I need to keep my emotions in check to protect her emotions.

Related: Need more support? These Bullying Videos for Parents will Help.

Because even though it’s breaking my heart, I can’t let it break her heart. I can’t let it hurt her soul or change her personality or destroy the kindness and warmth inside of her.

How we can emotionally protect our bullied children:

My daughter is kind and overly-friendly. She wears her heart on her sleeve. So my first instinct is to protect her emotionally by telling her to stop being so damn friendly. To warn her to close herself off to her peers so she won’t get hurt by them.

But that’s the worst advice. That will change who she is. And that kind of damage is irreparable.

But she has to be emotionally protected from this time in her life so that she can walk away from her childhood intact. I have to protect her and her sweet personality from changing into a cold, hardened outer shell of her former self.

I have to make her resilient. Emotionally resistant to their words and emotionally strong.

I need to make sure that this time when she’s being bullied isn’t the only story of her childhood. I can’t let it dominate her memories of this time.

9 Simple Ways to Emotionally Protect Your Bullied Child:

There are ways we can protect our children emotionally from letting the bullies get to them and harden their outlook on life.

1. Remind her every day being bullied is not her fault.

Victims are often made to feel that it’s all their fault. That if they were cooler, or didn’t tattle tale to the teacher, or were less smart, or were smarter, or were less disabled or were less different, they wouldn’t be bullied.

And adults often ask victims of bullying questions like, “What were you doing to cause it? What did you say to them to provoke them?”

Listen, My kid is no angel. She tattles, she’s bossy, and she does socially immature things like twirl and dance in the hallways.

So there may be an explanation as to why she’s being targeted. But there’s never an excuse.

And it’s NEVER HER FAULT. 

2. Let her know it’s okay to tell.

My daughter often doesn’t tell me when she’s being bullied because she doesn’t want to get her bully in trouble.

But this need to protect her tormentor has serious, larger-picture consequences.

If she is being hurt, she has to speak up.

We discuss often the difference between tattling and telling. It was important when she was three. It’s way more important now.

Kids who are bullied often don’t speak up for a myriad of reasons. Let them know it’s always okay to tell a trusted adult if they’re being hurt or harmed in any way.

3. Teach her to speak up and advocate for herself.

Once my daughter tells me about a bullying incident, she’s not done. She has to learn to advocate for herself.

So I don’t try to fix the problem immediately for her.

Now don’t get me wrong. I want to. I want to swoop in and fix it all and squash all the bullies and make sure every administrator knows the names of every bully at the school.

Mama Bear wants to tear it up.

But that is doing a disservice to my daughter. She’s not going to be bullied just once. These kids are repeat offenders. So my daughter has to know what steps she can take. She talks to her teacher or emails her the problem and what she wants done.

We follow a format now: This is what happened, and please help me by…. I follow up with an extra email to the teacher to ensure communication and transparency and I blind copy myself on the emails my daughter writes.

While it is not her responsibility to fix the bullying problem, I want her to learn what steps to take so that help can be sought after and then received. I want her to write to her teacher and ask for what she wants.

I want her to play an active role rather than a passive one so she feels empowered and not an out of control victim.

4. Validate her feelings.

She might be sad or devastated. She might be angry. She might be confused. She might be embarrassed.

She might be all of the things all at once.

And it’s all okay.

Encourage her to talk about it.

Encourage her to write or draw about it.

Encourage her to take deep breaths and listen to calm music until she’s able to dissect how she’s feeling.

Some kids need alone time, and some kids need to be with you.

A word of caution, though: don’t let them spend too much time alone after a traumatic experience.

Their social and mental immaturity leads to an inability to pull themselves out of negative talk and can lead to a dark spiral. There are ways to help your bullied child if their mental health is in question.

5. Pour into her and connect with her.

Take the extra time to connect with your bullied child to ensure she’s having positive experiences with her family.

Purposefully spend time with her doing things she loves to do and things you love to do together. Have a family dance party, go on a Mom and me date, have a family game night.

Make family time and home life a priority so she feels loved.

There are simple and fun ways to really connect with your child so they know home is a safe and loving place to come to.

6. Make sure she has a safe group of friends.

If she’s bullied at school, connect her with kids on a sports team or in a religious class or Scouts or neighborhood friends.

Find her a positive peer group because she has to have a place with peers that feels safe so she knows not all kids are bullies and she learns that she does not need to come to expect that behavior everywhere she goes socially.

She has to feel worthy of friendship.

Purposefully plan play dates or hangouts with safe, friendly kids who will be her ally at school. Get to know her friends. Be the house that the kids want to come visit.

7. Encourage hobbies to boost her confidence outside of school.

It doesn’t matter if it’s sports, art, or music.

But give your bullied child something new to learn that they enjoy. Something to work towards. Or encourage them to continue a hobby that they love.

For my daughter, it was karate.

She is confident with her ‘ki-yahs‘ inside her dojo, and she’s more confident in speaking up for herself now outside of the dojo.

And confidence when facing off with intimidating bullies could make all the difference to ward off a bully’s attention.

8. Talk to her often to emotionally protect your bullied child.

Check in often. Ask questions about weird or different or out of character behavior.

Ask open-ended questions and focus on listening to her answers. Keep your emotions in check.

My daughter has gone days and weeks before telling me something terrible had happened. So now I ask. And I ask often.

Because once, I had to hear about a bullying incident from another mom friend whose daughter told her.

I want and need my daughter to know she can come to me. I will be here to listen. I will be here to comfort her.

Because if bullying happened once, it will probably happen again.

9. Teach her healthy ways to react to the bullies.

My daughter was really struggling with coping with how to react to the bullies’ mean words. Since she wears her heart on her sleeve, when her bullies saw her emotional reaction, it tended to fuel the fire and encourage them. They knew they were getting to her. And it made things worse.

And there’s no one good way to respond to bullies. There is no one size fits all when it comes to dealing with bullies. But here are a few ideas that work:

• She can ignore them.
• She can be fierce and tell them to “STOP!” with a strong voice.
• She can laugh it off with this one magic trick that works for us.
• She can shrug it off and not let them see that they’re getting to her.
• She can get help from an adult.

There’s no easy cure-all for bullying. There’s no simple way to take the target off your kid’s back if they’re “different.” And getting schools to take action and step in can be particularly challenging.

But even if you can’t stop or prevent the bullying from happening, the most crucial thing we can do is emotionally protect your bullied child.

To ensure our kids realize they don’t deserve to be bullied, they are incredible, and they are loved.

And they’ve got a Mama Bear ready to protect them fiercely.

Would you like to Bully Proof-Your Kids? And Emotionally Protect Your Bullied Child?

Yeah, me too. I did a ton of research and here’s the best way to do it:

The post 9 Must Know Tips to Emotionally Protect Your Bullied Child appeared first on Coffee and Carpool: Intentionally Raising Kind Kids.

Get over it lady. The world is not a nice place and you should teach your kids that just as much. 

This lady is an idiot and wants to be seen on tv so she can be famous and make her kid famous, but now, her kid will probably be laughed at for his mom’s stupidy and that’s sad (typo left in on purpose)

Go f*cking kill yourself. 

Listen, I am a strong, mentally healthy, self-assured adult woman.

I am firm in my convictions and my beliefs.

I am confident in what I do, what I say, and who I am.

But when I was bullied online with these words, it all washed away.

All my confidence was gone when I was called a dumb b*tch by a perfect stranger.

All my firm convictions waivered when I was told I was a d*ckhead and stupid.

All my strength vanished when someone told me I should f*cking kill myself.

And in those moments, I realized our tweens and teenagers would never be able to read what I had to read and come out of it unscathed.

As our kids are exposed to cyberbullying and online hateful comments, our kids need our help so they know what to do if and when they’re cyberbullied.

How I survived being cyberbullied:

I wrote a post on Facebook, did a live video, and was interviewed by Good Morning America about food allergy awareness.

And the nasty internet trolls found me. They called me every name in the book, and it was devastating.

So, after a few minutes, (okay an hour) of being completely horrified by it all, I started to self-soothe.

I turned to the people I trusted.

I went to family and friends and told them what happened. I asked for help, support, and love.

I walked away from my phone and computer and spent some quality time with people who value me.

But it made me realize tweens and teens who are cyberbullied don’t know how to do this. They don’t have the skills they need to self-soothe or find help when things get out of control online. 

What is cyberbullying?

Before we can prepare our kids for how to deal with cyberbullying, we have to know what it is.

Bullying is intentional, deliberate and repeated aggressive actions that involve a real or perceived imbalance of power or control (ie: physical strength, popularity or the knowledge of embarrassing information).

Cyberbullying is when bullying occurs online in any form: texts, emails, or social media sites.

It includes:

• rumor spreading,
• outing someone,
• sharing a secret,
• name-calling,
• threatening,
• public humiliation,
• sharing inappropriate photos or information,
• sexting,
• impersonating someone’s account and acting on their behalf,
• or catfishing someone.

Cyberbullying is particularly dangerous for kids because it is:

• Persistent- Our kids can’t walk away from online bullying since it’s a constant communication source
• Permanent- Online bullying  is permanent and public for all to see
• Gets Overlooked by Adults- Adults don’t often see or read online messages, texts, or social media posts, so it’s harder to stop it.

Why we have to have the cyberbullying discussion with our  kids before it happens:

Most parents haven’t warned their tweens and teenagers about how to deal with cyberbullying because this is unfamiliar territory. For us and for them.

Our parents never had to have this conversation with us, so we don’t really know how to do it.

But in this digital age, kids are getting cyberbullied. They’re being teased, taunted, and outed on social media, even if they don’t personally have an account or a phone.

And our kids need to know what to do when it happens, before it happens.

Just like we discuss stranger danger and body safety and alcohol and drugs with our kids, we need to discuss cyberbullying.

We have to make sure they know what to do if they’re singled out. If they’re targeted. If they’re bullied.

Because here’s the thing. When I was bullied online, my knee-jerk reaction was to turn inwards. To hide emotionally and avoid contact with others.

I was embarrassed and lonely and sad.

And for one minute, I believed their hateful words.  For a flash in time, I let their truth be my truth.

It kind of broke me…and I am a grown, successful, loved woman.

Teens who are working to gain their self-confidence and build up their voice and figure out who they are could easily be destroyed by these words.

They could believe these hateful words and let it be their truth for longer than one minute.

They could internalize these words and think the hurtful comments are their reality.

Which is extremely dangerous.

Tweens and teenagers who are cyberbullied have gone into depression, hurt other people, hurt themselves, and have committed suicide. 

It’s not something to take lightly.

What every parent needs to do before their child is cyberbullied:

1. Explain to your tween and teens what cyberbullying is. Make sure they know what it is so they recognize it when it happens.
2. Discuss your intolerance of them cyberbullying other kids. If they won’t say the words to a peer’s face, they shouldn’t write it online.
3. When they know a classmate is being cyberbullied, they need to tell a trusted adult.
4. Make it clear if your child is targeted by cyberbullying, these words are not truth. Remind them they are loved. They are valued. And they are safe. Make sure they know to come to you, even if they’re embarrassed or scared or sad. Tell them, in no uncertain terms, you will help them.  You will always help them. And spend extra time connecting with them emotionally. 

There are ways we can bully-proof our kids.

And there are ways we can emotionally protect our bullied children so the bullying doesn’t break their spirit.

There are resources available to help our kids walk through digital bullying.

Because for just one minute, when I read online hurtful comments about me, I forgot I was loved and valued and safe.

And I don’t ever want our kids to doubt their worth or believe the hate.

Not even for one minute.

The post How to Keep Your Kids Safe From Cyberbullying appeared first on Coffee and Carpool: Intentionally Raising Kind Kids.

Teaching kids how to not be a bully and how to deal with bullies can not be taught in a day or in a week. Just like when we teach kids the alphabet, we can’t teach them about bullying once and hope they remember it long enough to apply the skills in real-life situations on the playground and in the hallways.

We have to teach them over and over again about bullying (this is why Kindness Week Doesn’t Work).

We have to give them opportunities to use the skills they learn so they feel confident when they encounter tricky social situations on the playground.

But we can’t cross our fingers and hope they know how to handle bullying behaviors.

We have to intentionally and consistently talk about bullying, how to be an upstander, and how to not become a bully when we have big emotions.

If we don’t want bullying behaviors, we can’t wait to tell kids not to bully after they’ve been a bully. The damage has been done. 

Instead, we have to preemptively and intentionally teach kids what we want and don’t want them to do when it comes to interacting with their peers: friends, siblings, classmates, and teammates.

If we want to create a bully-free environment, we can’t hang posters in the hallways and on classroom doors and cross our fingers kids will read them, internalize the message, and let it guide their behaviors. Bullying will happen right below the posters. 

Instead, we have to systematically and consistently teach kids that bullying behaviors are never okay, how to recognize bullying behaviors, what to do when they occur, and how to stand up for themselves and others.

If we want kind, compassionate, empathetic, helpful, thoughtful communities of children in our homes and schools where everyone feels emotionally and physically safe to be themselves, we have to teach our kids to be anti-bully before they need the skills. 

And this Anti Bullying Bundle has what you need to make it a little easier. You can get it here.

We Have to Intentionally Teach Kids to Not Be Bullies

We have to intentionally teach kids to not be bullies and how to stand up to bullies because there are many negative effects of bullying:

• higher risk for depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and poor confidence (far into adulthood.)
• higher risk of self-harm and suicide
• higher risk of post-traumatic stress disorder
• poor academic success and higher school dropout rates (not able or willing to concentrate on schoolwork, lower attendance at school)
• negative health concerns (weight loss or weight gain, loss of sleep)\
• higher risk of alcohol and drug use
• higher chance of violence and crime
• higher chance of becoming a bully themselves to gain back some control (people who bully others have all been bullied by someone else, so these kids are at a higher risk of becoming a bully themselves)

But there’s something we can do to prevent this. We can intentionally teach kids to be anti-bully. We can teach them to be upstanders rather than bystanders. And we can empower and support the victims of bullying so the cycle stops and the victim gets the mental health support they need.

To do this, we use the Anti Bullying Bundle.

Parents, you can of course use this resource as well, but you might also love our How to Bully Proof Your Kids ebook.

What’s Included in the Anti Bullying Curriculum Bundle:

There are 16 hands-on learning products in this Anti Bullying Bundle to help you intentionally teach kids:

• what bullying is and what it isn’t
• why bullying is never okay
• how to stand up for yourself
• how to stand up for others
• what to do if you see bullying behaviors

1) Bullying Fact Sheet for Educators

2) What is Bullying? Definition

3) Anti Bullying Worksheets

4)Anti Bullying Pledge

5) Month Long Bullying Curriculum (done and planned for you)

6) PowerPoint lesson on Bullying

7) Bullying and Teasing Discussion Starters

8) Bullying Role Playing Cards

9) Be an Upstander Role Playing Lines

10) Ways to Respond to Verbal Bullying

11) I Can Deal with Bullies Emergent Reader, discussion starters and writing prompts

12) I Can Deal with Bullies Early Reader, discussion starters and writing prompts

13) I Can be Mad Without Being Mean Emergent Reader, discussion starters and writing prompts

14) Anti Bullying Printable Stickers/Badges

15) ePoster: Mad Without Being Mean (print on 11 x 17 paper)

16) ePoster: Stop Means Stop (print on 11 x 17 paper)

17) ePoster: Types of Bullying Poster (print on 11 x 17 paper)

You can get the Anti Bullying Bundle here. 

How to Use the Anti Bullying Bundle:

Use these bullying and social emotional learning resources early and often. They can not be used once and then checked off a list.

If we want kids to feel confident when they face a tricky social situation, then we have to make standing up to bullies feel normal and give them tons of chances to practice.

1) Bullying Fact Sheet for Educators

These 5 page informational sheets include:

• Definition of bullying
• Bullying vocabulary
• Negative facts about bullying
• Bullying statistics
• Action steps to prevent bullying in your class and school
• Types of kids who are most likely to be bullied so you know how to protect
• Types of kids who are most likely to bully others so you know who to observe
• Action steps educators must take (in order) to protect victims of bullying and prevent more bullying from occurring and knowing the federal laws and your state laws about bullying.

2) What is Bullying? Definition

Use this to help understand and then explain the 4 types of bullying to kids. We have to be clear about what is not okay with very specific information about physical, verbal, emotional and cyber bullying.

3) Anti Bullying Worksheets

There are two worksheets so kids can show what they know about the 4 kinds of bullying, one for readers and one for pre-readers.

4)Anti Bullying Pledge

Encourage kids to take this Anti-bullying Pledge to promise to themselves and to stand up against bullying.

5) Month Long Bullying Curriculum

This month-long curriculum is planned for you and has what you need to intentionally teach kids about bullying.

You can revisit the lessons often as reminders.

6) PowerPoint Lesson on Bullying

This can be used with your month long curriculum as a way to simply but clearly explain bullying behaviors to kids and why it’s not okay. It uses kid-friendly language but doesn’t sugarcoat the topic.

7) Bullying and Teasing Discussion Starters

Keep talking about bullying, bullying behaviors, and what to do when they see bullying behaviors with these bullying discussion starters. You can use these in small groups or in whole groups, as a Question of the Day, or during your Morning Meeting.

8)Bullying Role Playing Cards

Use these role playing cards to act out all the different ways kids could react when they see bullying behaviors. They need to practice BEFORE they encounter bullying behavior so they feel confident they know what to do.

9) Be an Upstander Role Playing Lines

Use these strategies to help practice different ways to stand up to bullying behavior and be an upstander rather than being a bystander and “allowing” bullying to happen near you.

10) Ways to Respond to Verbal Bullying

Teach kids these strategies and practice before they need to deal with unkind words, verbal bullying or verbal abuse so they can start to take back the “social power” bullies think they have. It’s a powerful tool to stop bullies in their tracks when we take away the big, hurt reaction.

11) I Can Deal with Bullies Emergent Reader

This emergent reader is perfect for beginning readers using simple vocabulary and sight words to go over different ways to deal with bullies and bullying behavior. It also comes with discussion starters and two writing prompts.

12) I Can Deal with Bullies Early Reader

This early reader uses more advanced language for kids who are more confident with their reading, covering how to deal with bullies more in-depth.

13) I Can be Mad Without Being Mean Emergent Reader

This emergent reader focuses on how to not show bullying behaviors while having big emotions. It does not promote not being mad. It recognizes that when we’re mad, there are behaviors that are appropriate and behaviors that are inappropriate.

This also comes with discussion starters and two writing prompts.

14) Anti Bullying Printable Stickers/Badges

Once you’ve spent a considerable time talking about bullying and feel confident your kids understand what bullying is and how to not be a bully, print out these anti-bullying badges on cardstock or on sticker paper.

15) ePoster: Mad Without Being Mean

Print this ePoster on 11 x 17 and hang it up to remind kids they get to have their big emotions and they get to be mad, but they don’t get to be mean.

16) ePoster: Stop Means Stop

Print this poster on 11 x 17 paper and hang it up to remind students that stop means stop and no means no. Alone, this poster will do very little. If you use it with anti-bullying curriculum, it will be helpful.

17) ePoster: Types of Bullying Poster

Print this on 11 x 17 paper to help kids remember what bullying behaviors are and what is not okay.

Ready to get the Anti Bullying Bundle to help prevent bullying and know how to stop it when it happens? Get it here.

The post How to Stop Bullying by Teaching Kids Anti Bullying Curriculum appeared first on Coffee and Carpool: Intentionally Raising Kind Kids.

My niece just started Kindergarten and as I was chatting with my sister, she mentioned that another kid, a 5 year old, was being bullied.

It happens every day, on playgrounds around the world, and it starts shockingly young. Bullying begins on the preschool and kindergarten playgrounds.

Which is heartbreaking.

And schools, in all honesty, have no clue how to handle it because until a few decades ago, it was written off as “kids will be kids.”

We now understand the harmful and long-lasting impact bullying has, and as a society, we’ve finally decided bullying is bad. 

Which is great.

Except authority figures (teachers, yard duty staff, child care providers, administrators, coaches, Scout leaders), often have no idea how to handle bullying when it happens and they have no idea how to prevent it from happening in the first place.

Related: How to Prevent Bullying in Schools

Schools often hang anti-bullying posters up, and the bullying behavior still happens. Anti Bullying Posters alone will not cut it.

We have to change the culture of our schools. We have to educate the adults so they don’t actively victim shame or make it worse.

But we also have to empower our students to be upstanders and stand up against bullying behavior and stand with students who have been bullied so it’s less likely to happen again. 

We can bully proof our kids, but we also have to actively and intentionally teach children what bullying is, why it’s not okay, and how to handle it when they see it or hear it. 

One way we can do that is by using this Anti Bullying Pledge with kids.

Why is Teaching Kids to be Upstanders Essential to End Bullying?

Every student has the right to safe learning environment. They have a right to come to school and to be safe and feel safe. This is a job for adults and we have to step up.

But, our kids can play a powerful role in reducing bullying behavior in our schools. 

First, they can obviously not become a bully themselves.

Related: What to do if you think your child is the “Mean Girl”

Second, they can become includers to ensure everyone feels welcome and included and has a safe place to play.

And third, we can teach them and encourage them to become upstanders- people who stand up for others– rather than be a bystander who witnesses it quietly. 

So how do we teach kids to be upstanders and to say something when they see something? 

We have to practice and give them the words to say.

We have to empower them and build up their courage to say something.

And we can help them internalize it by having them recite an Anti-Bullying Pledge often.

Related: Need an Anti Bullying ‘Contract’ that isn’t cute, isn’t rhyming, but gets right to the point?

How to Use the Anti Bullying Pledge

1. Download and print the version you wish to use (color or black and white). You can download it below.

2. Talk to kids about what a pledge is (pact, promise) and connect it to other pledges or promises they make (Pledge of Allegiance, Scout Promise, etc.)

Related: Kindness Promise 

3. Explain what bullying is (and what it isn’t).

There are 4 kinds of bullying: 

• physical,
• social,
• emotional,/mental and
• cyberbullying

Bullying is repetitive and consistent, deliberate, and represents an imbalance of power (or perceived imbalance of power). 

Bullying becomes illegal harassment when the behavior is targeted toward someone because of their:

• race/ethnicity,
• religion,
• gender,
• sexual orientation,
• disability,
• medical need,
• or national origin

Related: The True Definition of Bullying and Why You Need to Know It

3. Talk about why it’s important to stand up to bullying behavior and help stop it (bullying hurts, being bullied feels lonely and scary, bullying behavior is common in schools, especially when adults aren’t around to see it or hear it). 

Research has shown that bullying will stop in 10 seconds or less  57% of the time if just one child stands up to the bullying behavior (Craig & Pepler, 1997).

Need more ways to talk about bullying with kids?

Turn to books! Here are our favorite Anti-bullying books but our favorite is:

One by Kathryn Otoshi

4. Brainstorm and practice different ways they can stand up to bullying/unkind behavior:

• say ‘No’! or say ‘Stop!’
• get adult help
• stand by the child being bullied so they’re not alone
• Question the behavior: ‘Why are you saying that?’ or ‘Why are you treating her that way?’

5. Encourage the kids to color the pledge and then read it together, often.

I know that bullying is never okay. 

So when I see it or when I hear it, 

I will LOUDLY say: 

‘STOP!’ ‘NO!’ ‘You can’t do that!’ 

I have the power to help someone, 

And be a friendly face.

It only takes the voice of one: 

Here, bullying has no place. 

Consider reading it together daily to ensure they remember it so that when they’re confronted with a situation, they feel courageous enough to be an upstander and stand up for others (or themselves!)

Ready to get the anti-bullying pledge?

Download the Anti Bullying Pledge here. 

The post Anti Bullying Pledge for Students to Help End Bullying appeared first on Coffee and Carpool: Intentionally Raising Kind Kids.

I took my kids to a fast food restaurant today and there was a young adult who worked there who offered to help us. He greeted us when we walked in, introduced himself, and shook my hand. He told us his name was Benjamin, but we could call him Ben and his job was to be a helper. His job was to be kind to everyone. And then he offered me some ketchup.

The world needs more people like Ben. People who wear their hearts on their sleeve, offer up their kindness to the world around them and announce to anyone listening, “I am a helper. I am here to help you.”

And my kids watched the interaction between myself and Ben. They saw how he treated us and remarked, “Wow. He is so kind.”

They didn’t comment on his slurred speech. Or on his slight limp. Or how thick his glasses were. My kids noticed his kindness.

Because his kindness was his most prominent feature.

But sadly, it’s not always socially acceptable for us to walk up to others and announce we want to help them. We can’t always offer to help someone who is having a rough day or is feeling low…especially when we don’t know them well enough to ask why they’re having a bad day.’

We often don’t know someone could use a little encouragement, help, or friendship.

Related: How to Raise Kind Kids

But there is something small we can do.

We can leave some kindness around for people to find.

We can hide some smiles or some positive vibes for people who need it.

We can’t bring everyone ketchup, but we can give them something just as awesome as ketchup.

We can leave a rock with a kind message on it for them to find.

What is the Kindness Rocks Project:

I actually came across one of my most favorite places while my family lived outside of Boston. We drove down to Cape Cod because it was an hour away and found this off-the-beaten path boardwalk in Sandwich, Mass on the Upper Cape.

Along the almost half a mile of boardwalk, we came across a pile of painted rocks.

Rocks with silly messages, kind messages, and poignant messages. There were also flowers painted on rocks and hearts painted on rocks. And we all paused to read them all and find our favorites.

It always stuck with me how sweet that pile of rocks really was. I wondered who had left it. Who had seen it. Who’s day improved because of those rocks.

Fast forward to now and The Kindness Rocks Project has taken off.

It’s not just a secret anymore on a hard to find, not-on-the-map boardwalk.

It’s become a bit of a movement because more and more people realize that kindness does in fact, rock. And people are spreading the message far and wide.

And if your kids love all things rocks, they’ll also love Rock Themed Playdough Invitation to Play.

How to Make Kindness Rocks:

I’ve made kindness rocks with my kids before and I’ve made them at a neighborhood block party and now I’ve made them with my daughter’s Girl Scout Troop.

Because the concept is both simple and brilliant.

We’ve painted the rocks with acrylic paints and paint brushes and have tried to write on them with sharpies.

But this is the way is the fastest, prettiest, and least messy way.

1. Find a rock in your yard, on vacations, or if you need to, buy a packet of rocks.

Flat and smooth rocks are the best kind for painting.

2. Spray paint the rocks to give each kindness rock a base color.

And so kids don’t have to wait around for paint to dry so they can write on them.

3. Use paint pens to write an uplifting or heartwarming message on the rock.

Younger kids can draw a picture someone would like.

If you’re not sure what messages to include on the rocks, try these:

4. When the paint pen messages are dry, spray each rock with an acrylic cover to waterproof the paint.

Want a quicker way? You can buy this rock painting kit.

5. When it’s dry, hide the rocks for someone else to find.

Leave them in neighbors’ front yards, at the park, or on your school campus.

Leave them in a parking lot, in a friend’s backpack, or along a sidewalk.

Related: There’s one place you absolutely can’t hide kindness rocks: National Parks

That’s it. So simple.

And anyone can join in and spread the kindness. Spread the joy. And hopefully spread some smiles.

Will a kindness rock magically fix someone’s problem? Nope.

Is it a guarantee that it will improve someone’s day? Nope.

Is a rock automatically going to make someone kinder? Nope.

But, it might fix someone’s problem if they look at their situation in a different way.

It might improve someone’s day if they smile, even if it’s for a second.

And the rock can remind someone to be kinder…  Especially if the reminder is to be kinder to themselves.

And that kind of message is much more valuable than ketchup.

The post How to Make Kindness Rocks to Spread Happiness appeared first on Coffee and Carpool: Intentionally Raising Kind Kids.

When I taught Kindergarten, I cherished my morning meeting time with my students.

It was a great way to start the day off, connect with students, get them excited about the day, and sneak in some learning at the same time.

But I was always looking for meaningful morning meeting sel activities to help my students understand that while they were there to learn their abcs and 123s, they were also there to learn how to be kind, how to be a good friend, and how to interact with peers in positive ways. 

Social Emotional Learning is a crucial part of any curriculum and intentionally teaching it using SEL Curriclum like this is essential if we want to bully-proof our students, create a safe learning environment, and give students intentional opportunities to be kind, helpful and empathetic.

But we don’t always have time for dedicated SEL lessons and curriculum. So we have to be creative and “sneak in” SEL lessons and concepts whenever we can: lining up, walking through the hallways, and as bell ringers.

And our Morning Meeting time is the perfect time for social-emotional learning activities to create a positive foundation for the day ahead with these 11 Morning Meeting SEL Activity Ideas you and your students will love.   

Why Morning Meeting Time is Perfect for Social Emotional Learning

Morning meeting time in any elementary school classroom is a great time to connect with students, build classroom community, and set the day up to be a good day in a consistent way. 

Which is why your morning meeting is the perfect time to focus on social emotional learning.

There are tons of ways to incorporate SEL into your day, but your morning meeting time is an effective one.

Related: 10 Ways to Teach SEL

If you are a classroom teacher pressed for curriculum time and can’t figure out how to fit in one more topic, one more lesson, and one more subject, then “double dipping” or sneaking sel into the cracks of your already busy day will help you.

Related: 8 Reasons Why Educators Should Teach SEL 

Your morning meeting time is a great way to create classroom community and connect with your students and set the expectations of your day; it’s also the perfect way to “sneak in” some social emotional learning with these 11 ideas. 

Here are 11 Morning Meeting SEL Activities You’ll Love:

1. Kindness Word of the Day

Teachers are constantly searching for ways to increase students’ vocabularies in real-world ways so the words feel authentic and aren’t simply memorized and then quickly forgotten. An SEL or Kindness Word of the Day will help with that.

Quickly introduce the word during your Morning Meeting, and put it up on your board. Students can brainstorm what it means and ways to show the word. Sneak in gross motor skills and drama skills by acting out the word or ways to show the word.

And connect the word to your vocabulary list or vocabulary activities during ELA time.

Related: Kindness Vocabulary and Activities 

2. Kindness Question of the Day

We could ask our students a million different questions to start our school day. But instead of a question about their favorite ice cream flavor or their favorite pet, ask them questions about kindness, friendship, being an includer and how to stand up to bullying behavior.

It can be hard to come up with a question every day, so we’ve done it for you with our 180 Kindness Questions of the Day to make your life easier.

3. Turn and Give a Compliment

Everyone loves to get a compliment, but most kids don’t know how to do it because they haven’t practiced. Yes, we can model how to give compliments, but a really easy way is to practice.

Give students a second to turn to a classmate during your morning meeting and give a compliment to them. 

If kids need help learning how, you can teach Kids How to Give Compliments with these Compliment Cards

4. Morning Meeting SEL Activity: Kindness Affirmations

What we think in our head, becomes how we feel. How we feel often dictates how we speak and act. So if we want students to focus on kindness all day, we have to help them by intentionally creating those positive inner thoughts. 

One simple way to do that is with Kindness Affirmations.

Affirmations like:

• I am a kind kid.
• I am a good friend.
• I am friendly.
• I include other kids.
• I speak and act with kindness.

Get More Kindness Affirmations and why they work here. 

5. Read an SEL Picture Book/Chapter Book

There are a million amazing picture books and chapter books in the world. So when you’re choosing books to read, pick one with a message that will help your students.

Books about Dinos who love tacos are hilarious and fun, but books with a kindness, friendship or anti-bullying message will help reinforce social emotional learning concepts you’re teaching your students.

SEL Book Lists:

• Kindness and Friendship Books,
• Anti-Bullying Books,
• Books About Inclusion
• Emotional Intelligence Books

6. Set Kids Up for a Kindness Challenge during your Morning Meeting

Kids love a good challenge, so encourage them to to a Kindness Challenge.

Give them one kind thing to do or say each day so kindness becomes a habit and feels “normal” to them. 

You can use our Monthly Kindness Challenge to focus on a different kind of kindness each day of the week.

Or if you count down to the 100th day of school, you can use our 100 Days of Kindness Activities. When you get to the 100th day, they’ll be 100 days smarter and 100 days kinder.

7. Morning Meeting SEL Activity: Play a Quick Kindness Game

To make your morning meeting SEL activities more fun, teach your students a kindness game. 

You can use one of these Kindness Games kids love or you can use a themed Kind or Sort Game. You can preview the game during your Morning Meeting and play a few cards before leaving it in a center for ELA time or for early finishers.

Kids will also love playing our Kind or Trash Game as they sort through the action cards.

8. Praise and Celebrate Kindness During your Morning Meeting

If we want any behavior to continue, we know positive reinforcement works. So when we see kindness in action, we need to pause and praise it.

We can praise the behavior, or praise the kid, or both!

An easy Morning Meeting SEL activity is to ask kids if they’ve seen any kindness at school or if any of their classmates have shown them kindness. It’s also a great time to report on any kindness you or any other staff have noticed.

To further praise kindness and keep that positive behavior going, during your morning meeting you can also hand out:

• Kindness Certificates
• Caught Being Kind Cards
• Kindness Links to see how many your class can earn together
• Interactive Kindness Bulletin Board

9. Create an Anchor Chart for Kindness

Create an anchor chart for sel and kindness by adding to it during your morning meeting. As a class, you can constantly be adding things to the chart showcasing ways to be kind, helpful, friendly, empathetic, compassionate, and a good friend. 

10. Recite a Kindness Promise or Anti-Bullying Pledge

Each morning is a great time to remind students to intentionally, on purpose speak and act with kindness. You can do that by reciting our Kindness Promise as a class.

If you are also focusing on anti-bullying, standing up for others, and reducing bullying and mean behaviors, you can also help students repeat this Anti-Bullying Pledge each day.

11. Morning Meeting SEL Activity: Share Kindness Ideas and Writing

If you’ve done any kindness or social emotional learning writing throughout your day, your morning meeting time is perfect for students to share their writing with their classmates.

You can sneak in listening and speaking standards as students use the time as an informal writers workshop and share their published work.

Need SEL Writing activities? You’ll love our Kindness Craft and Writes themed for every month of the year.

Which of these ideas would work best for your students? What are you going to try first?

The post Morning Meeting SEL Activities for Educators appeared first on Coffee and Carpool: Intentionally Raising Kind Kids.

When I first taught kindergarten, I was overwhelmed with all the things I had to teach in a very short time frame. Our half day kindergarten program didn’t have time for playing or coloring for more than 5 minutes.

And then they told us we needed to add in a new program: Character Education.

As a brand new teacher, I was annoyed. One more thing to figure out. Posters to hang up in my already carefully decorated classroom.

Since I was annoyed I hung those trustworthy and respect and fairness posters as high as I could get them, out of the way, where my tiny kinders wouldn’t see them.

But hindsight is 20/20, and the more I taught, the more I learned just how crucial character education is to a classroom. 

Yes, I taught those kindergartners their alphabet and numbers and how to form a sentence. But I also had to teach them how to work together, how to work independently, how to line up without pushing each other, and how to manage disagreements over the coveted red handball at recess.

And each year I taught, the more I intentionally spent on character education because if we’re teaching the whole child to be a valued member of society who can think for themselves, we have to do more than teach reading, writing and math.

We have to teach them how to deal with big emotions and how to stand up for themselves and how to share ideas and hear others’ ideas without putting them down. All components of what educators now call social emotional learning or SEL. 

Social Emotional Learning covers everything a person needs to know in order to successfully and properly use the academic skills and knowledge they learn in school.

But it can be confusing to understand. So what is social emotional learning and why is it so important?

Why is Social Emotional Learning Important?

Before we dive deep into what social-emotional learning includes, it’s helpful to know why you should care about it and why you should want it taught in your kids’ schools.

Related: 8 Reasons Educators Should Teach SEL

Research has shown that social emotional learning curriculum and concepts:

• help reduce bullying behaviors in schools
• create a safe learning environment for all students
• improves academic success and even test scores
• increases students’ emotional intelligence which decreases outbursts, meltdowns/tantrums, etc.
• improves school attendance
• reduces behavior issues
• builds a positive classroom environment and school culture
• encourages kindness, empathy, compassion and helpfulness

And social emotional learning teaches essential concepts like:

-problem-solving skills

-conflict resolution skills (dealing with tricky social situations, meanness, rudeness, and bullying behaviors)

-teamwork and collaboration skills

-responsibility

-decision-making skills

-perseverance and resilience (not giving up)

-confidence and advocacy skills (standing up for themselves)

-self-regulation skills (not losing control)

-social skills, manners, and positive peer relationship skills

We can intentionally teach kindness in our classrooms, but we can also dive deeper and intentionally focus on all aspects of social emotional learning.

What is Social Emotional Learning?

Social Emotional Learning or SEL can be broken down into 5 major components:

1. Self-Awareness

Are kids in tune with their bodies and emotions so they keep getting better at handling setbacks and new challenges?

This includes things like knowing what you need and want, labeling your emotions, recognizing your strengths and areas of improvement, increasing self-confidence, and building a growth mindset.

2. Self Management

Can kids manage or handle themselves without adult intervention?

This includes managing and controlling your emotions without losing control (teaching kids to be mad without being mean), controlling impulses, dealing with stress, creating the internal motivation to set and reach big and small goals, and creating organizational skills to reach those goals.

3. Social Awareness

Do kids know how to interact with peers around them in socially acceptable and positive ways?

This includes celebrating and appreciating diversity and differences, respecting other people’s thoughts/beliefs/values, belongings, and personal space, showing empathy and compassion towards others, and seeing things from different perspectives.

4. Relationship Skills

Can kids interact with, work with, and deal with other people in positive ways?

This includes communicating with others effectively, dealing with conflicts or issues in appropriate ways, learning how to be a good friend and a good teammate, standing up to bullying behaviors, and cooperating and using teamwork.

5. Decision-Making Skills

Do kids understand the consequences of their actions and make decisions accordingly?

This includes understanding cause and effect when making big and small decisions and understanding that their decisions will have a positive or negative outcome/consequence, problem-solving, and reflecting on their decisions to evaluate their behavior/decisions.

How to Teach Social Emotional Learning:

We can cross our fingers and hope our children learn these skills. Or, we can set them up for a lifetime of success by intentionally teaching them these social emotional learning skills. 

And while these SEL skills may not seem essential in a kindergarten or in a 5th grade classroom, think forward to when they’re adults:

Can an adult function in a healthy emotional relationship without these skills?

Can an adult function in their career without these skills?

Can an adult parent effectively without these skills? 

If we are raising children to become functioning members of our society, these social emotional skills are extremely essential to their overall well-being and for when they’re interacting with other people. 

To teach Social Emotional Learning in Classrooms there is done-for-you, ready-to-go lessons that you can fit into your already busy lesson plans that cover these 5 components in fun, hands-on ways that also connect to other academic skills (reading, writing, listening, speaking, math, gross motor skills).

Year of Social Emotional Learning Curriculum:

Monthly Social Emotional Learning Concepts Included in the Year of SEL Curriculum:

• Kindness (August)
• Being an Includer (September)
• Bullying (October)
• Gratitude (November)
• Celebrate Our Differences (December)
• Being a Good Friend/Friendship (January)
• Manners/Being Polite (February)
• Being Helpful (March)
• Being Thoughtful/Considerate (April)
• Empathy/Compassion (May)
• Volunteering (June)
• Sportsmanship (July)

Get a Year of SEL Curriculum here. 

The post What is Social Emotional Learning and Why Is It Important? appeared first on Coffee and Carpool: Intentionally Raising Kind Kids.