Comments on: When Comforting a Disappointed Child Avoid This Phrase

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By: shannon

shannon — Mon, 27 Jul 2020 20:21:31 +0000

In reply to Nicole.

Agree. I often say, “It’s OK,” but I mean it as in, “It’s OK that you’re crying,” “It’s OK that you feel this way,” “It’s OK, if you want to be mad.”

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By: Anna Havens

Anna Havens — Mon, 09 Apr 2018 22:47:34 +0000

Wow! Such a great perspective! It’s kind of a reminder to parents (especially me) to slow down a little and take note.

By: Nicole

Nicole — Tue, 20 Mar 2018 14:23:14 +0000

I find it interesting because to me, ‘oh honey, it’s okay,’ is part of the phrases you are saying to use instead of this phrase. I need to point that the woman didn’t say, ‘oh honey, you’re okay.’ She said “its okay,” and that means a lot of things. To me “it’s okay” is a comforting phrase that doesn’t cut the child off from their feelings. I say this to my son and often elaborate afterwards that it’s going to be okay, it’s okay to be sad, and it’s okay to be disappointed. It’s also okay that you’re having these feelings right now.

I understand the point you’re trying to make and think it’s a stronger one if the woman had said “you’re okay.” My son and I lost his Daddy to brain cancer a few years ago. My son knows disappointment more than most children his age and more than a lot of adults, actually. To me, a small disappointment like this does fall into the “it’s okay” category. I think saying “you’re going to be okay” and “everything is going to be okay” are perfectly fine too. Because they are true statements. The child is going to be okay. Without discounting their current feelings, they are going to survive this even though it’s hard right now.

By: Catrina

Catrina — Mon, 19 Mar 2018 19:49:00 +0000

This is just what I needed. It’s so hard not to rush in and comfort them every single time. Thanks for this.

By: Heather LeGuilloux

Heather LeGuilloux — Mon, 19 Mar 2018 17:08:04 +0000

Excellent post! Validating emotions is so key to helping children and young people understand that the emotions they are experiencing are completely normal and okay and you did such a great job explaining this!

By: Lynn

Lynn — Mon, 19 Mar 2018 02:06:48 +0000

So, let me get this straight, “It’s okay” is not ok (for lack of better words) BUT “Its going to be ok” IS acceptable to the writer of this article?

Have we really lost our collective minds?! Both statements are the same thing! They are both said to convey to the child that “I’m sympathetic, you are hurt now, but eventually all will be well, with or without the damn ballet class.”

Words do matter. But this writer is oblivious to the stupidity of hers.

By: Nicole Black

Nicole Black — Wed, 14 Mar 2018 23:13:43 +0000

In reply to Jessica. I'm glad it changed your perspective a little. I had to really consciously change how I saw the phrase after I was hurt and someone was trying to comfort me.